How to cope with everyday situations during grief?

I wanted to write this blog to let you know that you will heal. Life can feel like one big black hole and you will heal. I want to keep repeating this, because after Anna Sophia's dead, the only thing I wanted to know was: "Will this pain ever stop?" Yes, you will heal. In your way, your timing.

How all of a sudden normal situations could feel like the biggest challenge

There is no road map in dealing with grief and especially not in the biggest grief a mother ever has to deal with: losing her child. You not only lose your child, you also lose the dreams and a big part of the vision you had for your future. Nothing will ever be the same.

In this blog post I want to write about the apparently " normal situations " and how to deal with these. Because, at least for me, these normal situations felt a lot more difficult at the beginning than other ones. Think about bringing my son to school, going to my favorite bakery and restaurant where people knew I was pregnant. These places felt like huge challenges.

I didn't understand this at first. I could function in my own home. The right people were able to lift me up when I truly felt they were present with their heart. And in my coaching business - the place I feared the most the first week after her dead - lit me up the most. My writing, my work, the loving clients and their beautiful dreams and visions it was always part of who I am and it was not separate from my life now either. My work, my vision for the world has always been my own medicine as well.

I was afraid that I could never listen to people talking about the difficulties they had with achieving 20k months in their business, dealing with relationship issues or other problems that - as we are all humans - seem huge and important at the moment. But in my mind, there was nothing bigger than this. And if I had to deal with this...why would they make a big deal about something way less (honest thoughts before going back to work)?

The only thing that matters is an open heart & clear energy

What I noticed is that something else is actually going on: I could deal with almost anything and anyone from day 1 during our grief, as long as they had an open heart and were really grounded in their energy.

What grieving Anna Sophia learned me on a deeper level, is that all can co-exist if it comes from a loving heart. The things I do in my business come from my open heart and the people I attract are matching my vibes and alignment. Spirit always brings in the right people. My work lifts me up.

I guess what I try to say is: grieving her made things even clearer in my life. My business was always the place I loved to be, the people in my life were the right people. This was good to begin with and therefor only better when the light gets deeper into a broken heart. When the heart is broken, all is left is love. Pure love.

The death of a child touches all of our hearts

As I don't function well in "standard situations" aka the school yard full of moms not aligning in energy. Supermarkets always overwhelming, now even more. Small talk situations; I never was and never will be good at talking to or being with people who can't carry depth. Not their own and therefor not mine.

In standard situations "I couldn't pick my people". The school yard where all of a sudden every mom felt a “connection” and only a few were a true gift. Going there felt like the challenge of a lifetime. Feeling their "pity faces", receiving their hugs, talking to me like I am their best friend...when normally they wouldn't talk to me at all.

Grief does strange things to people. The death of a child even more. It touches peoples heart, especially the ones that have children of their own. It confronts and puts your feet back on this beautiful earth.

But again, my heart was broken. A broken heart feels even more than normal. Opening up to someone and than not feeling heard or seen, there was no room for something like this. It f* hurt even more. I had no space to carry someone else's uncomfort. I had nothing to give or share. People had to contribute to me and if they couldn't meet my heart and energy, they were no contribution (even if they meant well #sorrynotsorry).

Simple tips that help in every situation:

I had to protect myself, my energy and my heart. Not by closing off, no more leaving the house or hiding behind imaginary walls. My heart wanted to stay open and I had to get back to some simple things that helped me in other situations in the past as well:

Sending my energy upfront

Before going to the school yard, my favorite shops or restaurants, I closed my eyes, tuned into my heart and send my energy upfront. This way, my energy was already there and I always notice energy already doing something with people. Even when you are not there. You can always try this when you have to visit places or people that challenge you in one way or the other.

An open heart and feet rooted deep into the earth

There are so many situations where, as humans, we leave our heart and bodies. The moment energy feels off, walls tend to come up for protection. And you might think you are safer in your golden bubble, behind your white light walls etc...but you aren't. No energy is more powerful than love and love can only be felt from an open heart.

So when I had to leave my car, enter a new place or came across someone who immediately felt off, I opened my heart and rooted my feet deep into the earth. Life always has our back. Trust yourself, your heart and your energy and you got you.

Setting clear intentions

When it comes to desires; intention and affirmation are always important and helpful. In situations like this, they are too. Maybe even more. I set my intentions for the day when I woke up and did the same before I left my school. I visualized how I wanted things to go and how I wanted the right people to contribute. I set my intention that only the right people would connect with me and that I am always open to pleasant surprises, heart touching meetings and miracles coming my way.

You can't control what happens in life. Believe me, I truly learned that these past months. What you and I can control is how we deal with it. You get to take your power back. You have to cherish your heart and take responsibility in how you want to experience this going forward.

With this I learned, even in times like these it's all about energy and love. People who had their heart open could tell me anything. Even share the most sarcastic, dark jokes. It’s how they said it and with which intentions. Laughing and crying co-exists.

So please remember: You always know what you need and what contributes to you. Let your higher self guide your way and set your intentions how you want to be seen, met and held. This is your grief. Nobody gets to decide besides you. Let nobody tell you how to behave and keep your heart open every step of the way.

You will heal. Always.

XO,

Cindy